You have the right to remain flightless.
A resourceful St. Johns County deputy deftly placed a felonious fowl in custody earlier this month after chasing the would be jailbird down a residential street.
The St. Johns County Sheriff’s Office deputies responded to reports of a runaway emu on Jan. 6.
Cprl. Thomas Keisler responded to the scene and spotted the skinny scofflaw sprinting along County Road 13, apparently late for some indeterminate bird business and intent on mild chaos.
Keisler attempted to make contact with the suspect, who ignored all verbal commands, kicked repeatedly with what deputies described as “some big old talons,” and fled on foot.
Body-worn camera footage captures the dramatic chase, including Keisler broadcasting second to second updates like Jim Nantz.
“Currently behind the emu… running back south… come here,” Keisler can be heard saying.
Despite the orders, the feathered fugitive declined all invitations to surrender.
After a brief but vaguely athletic pursuit, Keisler successfully cornered the rogue Sesame Street character against a fence, improvised a lasso and gently immobilized it.
In what may be a county — and possibly national — first, the emu’s legs were placed in handcuffs and the poultry pursuit came to a close.
“In my 25 years, I’ve never handcuffed an emu,” Keisler observed, adding that the cuffs fit surprisingly well.
The bird was safely reunited with its owners and returned home without injury.
State prosecutors have declined to pursue charges, though the suspect was sternly warned not to bite, resist, or give deputies “that look” ever again.
