Successful aging, or aging in place, means staying where you are most comfortable. And for most people, that means staying at home. But it’s not always easy.
“Mare” is 83 years old. She lives independently, albeit with daily assistance. Mare has multiple health issues, including a 21-year struggle with cancer, two heart attacks, a stroke, vascular neuropathy, and various forms of arthritis.
Mare takes 30 different medications every day and is concerned about the risk of another fall. The side table next to her armchair in one corner of her living room is strewn with her water bottle, a coffee cup, notebooks and a pen, a cell phone, etc.
It has become her world. There is a screened-in patio overlooking the pond and fountain, but she can no longer navigate that far without pain. Yet Mare would be the first to tell you – she is one of the lucky ones.
Did you plan for life in your 70s and 80s when you were younger?
We planned for retirement. But not for aging. My husband Jim and I moved to St. Augustine once we retired. We continued our entertaining and our social life pretty much as we had before, but quickly discovered we would both need to go back to work.
He got a job unloading trucks at WalMart and I went to work in a bank. A few years later, Jim died. Our finances were not in the order I had hoped – so for me, another retirement was not in the cards. I left the banking world and took a full-time position in the elder care field.
I’ve experienced ongoing health issues since the age of about 12, so I knew things could happen, but you don’t really think about what you’ll do if something happens until something actually happens. I don’t think anyone does. Especially when you’re 40 or 50. It’s just not on your mind.
When did you realize you were going to need some help to stay in your home?
I have a life tenancy in this house, but it’s not my house – it belongs to my partner David’s children. David and I had a 20-year relationship. I sold my house and moved in here with him. I was able to quit my job eventually so we could do more traveling together. We went to Ireland and made annual trips to visit his family in Wisconsin during our time together.
He developed Parkinson’s and memory issues and needed constant medical care, so we decided on an assisted living facility – but I was there all day every day until he passed in 2020. My health problems were manageable until 2022. That’s when I took a couple of falls – at different times – and fractured my pelvis and my hip.
The recovery process was brutal and lengthy. I needed assistance on a daily basis. And still do. But I can manage at night.
You worked in the elder care field for a little over 10 years, and you saw the aging process from almost every angle. Did you think that some of their challenges might become your challenges?
My work with older adults taught me patience and empathy – and the importance of getting right to the point! (It was a busy place, and I managed the front desk. I love to talk, but I didn’t have time to chat with 120 people every day.) But I never saw myself in the participants. However, I knew from my medical history that I would always have something to deal with – and that it would always be challenging – but never did I think it would be this challenging.
Simple things like going to the bathroom, getting dressed, or going from my chair to my walker – they now require a lot of finesse, so to speak. And time. It takes a lot of time to do simple things now.
Why do you say you are one of the lucky ones?
David gave me an incredible gift with this life tenancy. I have a beautiful home where I feel happy and comfortable. The mortgage and all related bills are taken care of. Without that, I really don’t know what I would do. Nursing home care, I suppose. And I still need to manage my personal bills and health-related expenses – my care companions are one example.
I have three wonderful women who are here a total of six days each week, and my son and his family come over on Saturdays. Otherwise, my life would look very different.
What does your support system look like?
I have such wonderful friends. Even though I can’t entertain like I used to, people still enjoy coming to visit. My care companions are here to help me, but they’re friends as well and I have family just an hour or so away. Plus, I count on God to get me through whatever comes my way.
Do you have any advice to give people who may be facing similar situations? Or younger people who think this will never happen to them?
Yes! And I think it applies to everyone.Take advantage of uncomfortable situations because they are going to be a part of your life one day. It IS going to happen to you. So learn to find the humor in things.
And I hope someone who is in far better health than I am will find some hope and comfort in my story. I’m happy. I’m at home. And I’m managing. That’s successful aging. If I can do it, you can, too. And it’s never too early to start saving. That’s really the most important thing. SAVE, SAVE, SAVE, that money. You’re going to need it!
