An application to build an indoor pickleball facility in a St. Augustine industrial park took a theatrical turn Thursday during a St. Johns County Planning and Zoning Agency meeting.
Pugnacious public meeting pundit Charlie Hunt issued an impassioned warning about what he called the “pickleball mafia” — an insular cabal of paddle-wielding enthusiasts who, in his telling, don’t just play the game. They conquer.
“We know how it goes with the pickleball mafia,” Hunt declared. “It’s their ground, and they start taking it up and taking it over.”
According to Hunt, the players don’t simply arrive, play, and leave. They linger. They strategize. They settle in like occupying ground troops.
“When that mafia finds out where those courts are, they are on it,” he warned. “I mean they are on it. And they like to be very territorial.”
While Hunt painted a picture of smiling seniors with a ruthless court-side code, some of his concerns were more practical: namely, whether 30 parking spaces could support the facility without clogging up nearby industrial operations.
“They don’t just show up for an hour and hang around and socialize about their new pickleball paddles or whatever is going on in that world,” he said.
That world — apparently a hotbed of paddle gossip and strategic encroachment — came under further scrutiny when another speaker raised the specter of late-night loitering and security risks.
Land use expert Brad Wester, representing the applicant, temporarily morphed into a civil rights activist in pushing back — and branded Hunt as something of an anti-paddleite.
“I would like the mafia comment to stay on the record, please,” Wester said grimly. “I think it’s discriminatory.”
As for the idea that pickleballers might be prone to petty crime, Wester scoffed: “I guess there’s some track record with pickleball and how nasty it is. I think it’s disingenuous, I think it’s derogatory, and it’s pure conjecture and clamoring.”
Another park tenant, Matt Gundelfinger, raised more grounded concerns: increased traffic potentially interfering with large truck deliveries.
But Wellen countered that other permitted uses in the zone — such as garbage hauling or lumber storage — would be far more disruptive than a quartet of pickleball courts.
Planning and Zoning Agency member Judy Spiegel then reminded the room that recreational uses in industrial parks are hardly novel. Gymnastics and dance studios, she noted, often thrive in large open units.
In the end — despite warnings of paddle-based power grabs — the agency approved the permit unanimously.
One Response
That was a hilarious read!
They do seem to be out of hand. Personally, I’d like to see more basketball courts, after all, there is a national Granny League that would be fun to have here